How to Overcome Shyness

How to Overcome Shyness

Everyone feels shy sometimes, but being too shy can hamper many aspects of your life.

1. Determine why you're shy in the first place. For example, are you scared of what someone might say about your physical appearance? Remember, there's an underlying reason for how you react in situations.

2. Act as if you're not shy. In private, behave as if you're oozing confidence. Hold your chin up, stick your chest out, add a swagger to your walk and speak firmly. It may seem ridiculous, but you will see results when you're out in public.

3. Practice making eye contact and smiling in your interactions with others. Strike up casual conversations with strangers about weather or current events.

4. Look your best. One way to improve self-consciousness is to always look good and limit ways you can be self-critical.

5. Lower your fear of rejection by imagining the worst possible outcome. If you approach someone, they may say "no" or they may just walk away. Absolutely everybody has been rejected at some point, but no one has to dwell on it.

6. Look and learn. Watching friends or even strangers who aren't shy is a good way to learn some tips first-hand.

7. Feel positive about yourself, don't get frustrated and have fun. Remember, the real goal is to find someone who will like you for who you are.

Stop talking to yourself by ReyZa S.
One thing I've learned about being shy is that you talk to yourself a lot when you are in certain situations. If you do talk in your head, stop and say, "Stop talking to yourself.... Focus on talking to others instead."

Make others feel comfortable by someone W.
With the exception of a few "weirdos," most people (even extroverts) feel a little uncomfortable or apprehensive around people they don't know. The fact that they don't know you creates uncertainty, and uncertainty usually means unease.

So, give people non-verbal (and verbal) cues to let them know that you are a cool person who they should have no
problem talking to or dealing with. Note that this probably won't work very well if you are shy but also a jerk.

Most interactions feed off the initial impression that each person has of the other. If either party acts unfriendly (or even just ignores the other), it feeds back in the other direction as well. If you perceive someone as unfriendly, you'll likely act unfriendly (or disinterested), and the two of you will both decide to categorize the other as "unfriendly." The message will be "Don't interact with this person". However, if you do the opposite, things will build in the other direction (assuming there is no serious incompatibility).

Basically, anyone who meets a stranger doesn't know what is going to happen between them and the stranger. They are, in effect, looking for someone or
something to set the tone of the interaction. If you decide to set the tone and you project the idea that
the two of your are going to talk (and enjoy it), the other person will probably pick up on that and decide
that must be how it's going to work.

Another thing that's helpful for shyness is to figure out if you are shutting others out for any reason. It could
be that you're just busy, or maybe you are bitter about people in general, or whatever. If you are in a group of people and you are primarily thinking of something else other than those people, you're not going to interact with them very well. If possible, you need to open yourself up and try to really think about them: what they're thinking, how they're feeling, whether they had a good day, whether they are enjoying the music
(or other surroundings), etc. I've found that sometimes it's not that I don't have the social skills to go and talk to people, it's just that sometimes I don't want to be around people. So, even though I am around them, I am disinterested and I mostly ignore them. In this case, what I thought was shyness was actually just a lack of interest.
The only thing I've found to counter this is a desire not to look back at the end of my life and see myself as
having been that way the whole time, if that makes any sense at all.



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